Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
