i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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