God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
being pregnant is like rehab
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize