I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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