you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
