I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can I color on your dick again?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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