i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
