I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
