Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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