He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
