Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
