I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
