Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
