so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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