Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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