he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
