Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
