All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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