Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
