you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
