I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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