i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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