remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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