Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
