Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
