Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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