what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
