ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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