I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
