she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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