How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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