I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
your room smells of hookers.
And success
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
