made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
