$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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