dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize