it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
