Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
