he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
