No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
