I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
