I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
