Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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