I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
