Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
