I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
