Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
