He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
