This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
