I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
