No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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