first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
