Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
