11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
