My friends, they love my intelligence
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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