check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
