I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
