All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
