I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
