So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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