i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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