Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
