He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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