Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
