I'm jealous of your bromance
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
