why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
