what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
