So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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