I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
