Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she smelled like a LAN party
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize