So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
