he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
