He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
