You just made me feel so damn special
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
