So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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