I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
