The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize