you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
