So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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