I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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