Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Drake has all the answers
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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