woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
