mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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