we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
