now i know why i became what i already was.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
