After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
