Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
third nipple confirmed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
