In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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