Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The power of my boobs compel you
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
