woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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