Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
