I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
