Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
